I recently had a very traumatic experience. As is common for most people, immediately after the experience I was walking around in a state of shock. The not-so-funny thing about shock is that it can register outwardly that nothing is wrong, especially if the person in shock is accustomed to “handling” situations very well. I am one of those kinds of people. I’m a mom. I handle things. In fact, aside from having a lot of thoughts about just how fortunate it was that the experience was not a lot worse (and it could have been SO much worse), I wasn’t in touch with how affected I was – another characteristic of shock.
Within 12 hours of the incident I had begun to unravel emotionally. I had not reached out to get any kind of support because I wasn’t really aware that I needed support. I began to have negative thoughts and feelings that appeared unrelated to the trauma I had experienced. Deep down I sensed that I needed a good cry, but I didn’t have access to my feelings, so I inadvertently started an argument with my husband and, while that lead to an emotional catharsis, it really, in some ways, just perpetuated the feeling of trauma. While I was able to have a good cry, I lacked the sense of support that I craved because my partner was reeling from the argument.
Fortunately, I had scheduled a massage prior to the traumatic event. Going into the session, I was emotionally raw from the argument and still somewhat numb to my deeper feelings. When I receive massage under “normal” circumstances, carrying the expected stresses of everyday life (overwork, body aches and pains, too many thoughts), I just let my mind go. I often fall into a blissful half-sleep and pass in and out of relationship to my breath and to the bodywork itself. I usually feel my body letting down and feel the overwork or emotional exhaustion, regain a sense of perspective and clarity so that I am able to step back into the world refreshed.
In this post-trauma massage, I felt that each body part carried with it an irritation, a hurt or a grievance. Contrary to my normally blissful departure from the petty issues of my life, I felt them all with me during the session. I had to breathe and stay very present. I found myself needing to focus with intention to let go of the grip of my muscles as I felt them holding on in survival mode, prepared to defend against any threat. When the massage was over, I felt vulnerable and yet somehow as though I had also returned to re-inhabit myself where my sympathetic (fight or flight) nervous system had taken over to keep me safe during the traumatic events of the previous days.
After the massage was when the healing of the trauma could really begin. Prior to that, my sympathetic (fight or flight) nervous system was running the show and it took the contact of the massage and the process of breathing and consciously letting go to restore function to my parasympathetic nervous system, which allowed my body to begin to relax and become aware that the trauma had passed. I was able to see that the argument was my emotions and my body acting out the fight or flight instinct that kicks in with trauma. In a state of calm and restoration, I was able to do repair work with my husband and settle into a few days of exhaustion (something I couldn’t feel in my traumatized state) and restoration.
Becoming aware of how to practice good self-care is a lifelong process. When traumas, big and small, occur in our lives, their effects can alter our awareness of how we feel and what we need. I am reminded that when this happens, it is SO good if we can remember to turn to the simplest of needs first: being held and being touched. It not only restores our physical body, but it can also help us to return to ourselves when trauma has created imbalance.
